Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”

Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Source.

10 Rules of Office Work

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it’s the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it’s handwritten, type it.
8. if it’s typed, copy it.
9. If it’s copied, file it.
10. If it’s Friday, forget it!

Source.

Well, the march for democracy is today. unfortunately I won’t be there, but here is a thought.

Wouldn’t it be interesting to see all the MPs who voted to ban reasonable force for correction try to get through even one day without using any reasonable force for anything?

Some may have noticed I didn’t post video humour last week.

Fact is, I’ve run out of broadband pretty fast this month. Not entirely sure why, but I have my suspicions that visiting 400 sites & blogs within a few days just might have something to do with it.

On the plus side, I now have almost 650 NZ blogs in my list (about 100 of those are now defunct), plus I’m now keeping a note of blogs I’ve rejected so I know why/if I did – there’s about 120 NZ blogs I think that for some reason or other don’t qualify, plus about 90 more that are defunct, missing or gone.

It’s interesting though – there is some good stuff out there in places you’d never guess. Us political blogs think we own the ’sphere, but there are some very entertaining and thought-provoking blogs out there that never go anywhere near politics. My advice is to go to a blog you usually don’t go to and click on a whole bunch of links. You might be surprised at some of the stuff you find.

Anyway, if you have a video you think is funny, pop a link in the comments. Consider this some sort of “open video humour” thread.

HT: Semper Vita who pointed out the disgusting bias in the Herald’s article where they renamed the march.

The Children’s Commissioner has some comments printed in the Herald today.

“Instead of a clearly divisive march, I would rather see our time taken up with debating the nature of the relationships we have with children as parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers and community members. Those relationships shape our children’s futures.

Wait… didn’t a mere 6% of voters want smacking illegal?

That means that New Zealanders are actually quite united over this issue – meaning it’s the Children’s Commissioner who’s being divisive.

And the Herald.

And the Government.

Oh, and let’s not forget assorted out of touch celebrities.

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet.

The copier is out of order!
Yes, we have called the service man.
Yes, he will be in today.
No, we cannot fix it.
No, we do not know how long it will take.
No, we do not know what caused it.
No, we do not know who broke it.
Yes, we are keeping it.
No, we do not know what you are going to do now.

Thank You

Source.

Pity if you forgot to produce the handout ahead of time!

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. ‘I’ve kidnapped you!’, said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, ‘I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde.’

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ‘How could you do this to a fellow blonde?’

Source.

Well, I thought I’d sign up to twitter to prevent my username from being taken, but it seems I am too late.

So just for the record, it’s not me. I’m tempted to change my name though… Edison Oruerio sounds quite exotic and mysterious .

Sounds like it to me:

Prime Minister John Key will be offered $4781 by Lucy Lawless and Jim Salinger today in an attempt to get him to a climate change conference in Denmark next month.

…

Mr Key said he was comfortable sending Environment Minister Nick Smith to represent New Zealand.

His attitude has not gone down well with Greenpeace, which has been running a “Key to Copenhagen” fundraising drive involving cake stalls, sausage sizzles and donations.

Dr Salinger, a climate scientist, and actress Lawless have been tasked with presenting the proceeds to Mr Key, and plan to visit Parliament early this afternoon with the cheque and a boarding pass to Copenhagen.

Giving John Key money to try and change policy sounds very much like a bribe to me.

I guess it’s ok though – it’s for the planet and all that.

This is not something I expected to read on No Right Turn.

But in addition to advocating an unlawful (and simply improper) course of action, Palmer comes across as more than a little sniffy about the people having a say in the making of our own laws:

“The second question that arises is what does binding mean?” he asked.”Does it mean that the content of the referendum is capable of displacing or amending an Act of Parliament directly?

“As a matter of legal drafting, that cannot be the case. It seems quite impossible for a citizen’s initiated referendum to contain professionally drafted amendments that would be legally effective.”

Because clearly, us dirty peasants can’t draft amendments to law, or hire lawyers to do it for us. That knighthood really seems to be going to Palmer’s head…As for what should be done, given the ambiguities in the question the Clerk should obviously go back to Baldock and get him to nail down exactly what it is that he wants. But if that fails – and I expect it to – then I think we should let the question stand. The law calls them indicative referenda for a reason, and while under the present wording a “yes” vote would not support any specific framework, it would indicate support for a broad path of constitutional change. And whether we want to go down that path or not is something we deserve to have a say on.

Gee, “us dirty peasants” voted overwhelmingly for a repeal of Section 59. That got a “F*** You” from Idiot, and a blatant call to abuse government authority to persecute opponents of the law.

What changed? I mean seriously, I/S hasn’t shown this much integrity for anything remotely related to S59 for months – is this even the same writer?

But one thing hasn’t changed: he’s woefully out of touch with society at large.

Is some random sporting victory really worth wasting the time of Parliament?

Our second ever entry into the world cup for the biggest and most popular sport in the world simply rates as a “random sporting victory”. The entire country is congratulating the team, yet he begrudges the time parliament takes to join in praising the magnificent sporting achievement.

That’s just sad.

Says it all really.

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.” “

That’s right” the boy said, “but how did you know?”

“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”

“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

Source.

Glad the team held up under pressure!

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

 

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU TO GET MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Source.

Real Estate companies have tended in the last couple of years to talk up an small upturn in the market. So honesty like this is quite refreshing.

The 6091 properties sold last month was down from 6464 in September, although well up from the 4469 sold in October 2008.

But despite thses encouraging stats, First National said “descriptions of the New Zealand real estate market having a mini-boom are absolute rubbish”.

“There are a few well presented houses in each market sector, suburb and price bracket that people are fighting over but there are fewer houses selling overall,” First National general manager John Stewart said.

“Those not winning the battle for these prime properties are sitting back and waiting for the next `cherry’ to pick whereas during boom times they rush off and buy the next best.”

In First National’s experience, and while there was regional variation, most homes were still selling at 10 to 15 percent less than two years ago, Mr Stewart said.

That was not changing as quickly as some commentators had been saying in recent days.

“Perhaps the bank economists are trying to justify interest rate increases.”

Andrew W comments on MacDoctor:

Racism by minorities is in my opinion actually the more destructive form of racism. It destroys hope amongst members of the minority that they can improve their lot, and it leaves the poorer members of the minority vulnerable to being manipulated by their leaders for their own ends, into crime, into self-destructive rebellion against the status quo.

There’s significant truth in that statement. I believe that many black people in the USA have spent so long being told that the “white man” is out to get them that many start to believe it and act on that basis. So they don’t bother to try and achieve because they’ve been told it wont work. And the problem just gets worse and worse, and their “leaders” have more and more ammunition for their self-fulfilling prophecies.

That said, I find it hard to believe that that sort of racism is worse than what we see in Zimbabwe or in the old days of th southern USA.

William Jefferson has been sentenced to 13 years in Jail.

That’s the guy who kept his bribe money in the freezer for those that might not be following.

Naturally, there isn’t much coverage of this, and even less mention that he’s a democrat.

 

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

“You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?”

The Englishman spoke first.

“Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing “God Save The Queen” to all you men.”

“That can be arranged,” said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, “And I want to honor my country before I die by singing “The Marseilles” to your men.”

The Japanese said, “Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management.”

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

“What is your last request?”

The American replied, “I want you to kill me right now so I don’t have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!”

Source.

When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. So, I got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help, and explained the entire service to her.

Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, “Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us, Daddy?”

Source.