International Cat Speculators Since 2006

First bit.

  • Kids are like stoned people – do funny things that only stoned adults would do like point out strange things in a loud voice and forget stuff
  • They aren’t really stoned, they’re developing into an adult
  • While a lot of stuff can change, temperament doesn’t – skills will be learned, but will be stubborn at 26 if stubborn at 3
  • Parents must tailor their parenting style to the type of child
  • Had client had child who was shy
  • Had to learn social success  – had to help find way into group in this case as after that the child was fine.
  • Broke down into little kids and worked them out and mum and daughter practiced the steps as often as they could
  • Stubborn children – they just have to do it
  • His son (threatens to name kid next time!) had marker in his room
  • He explained to child they could do what they liked, but they had to think about “what dad would do when he came back”
  • After 10 min child hadn’t drawn on wall – if he’d told him not to he’d have done it


  • If want to get through without going crazy must understand that children’s brains aren’t like ours
  • We’re told children are just little adults but that’s simply not the case
  • Has clip of children at school discussing in adult manner how they mucked around their parents that morning
  • Then there are insufferable parents insist their kids are genius
  • Kid spelled lots of words, made a noise insisted that their child was gifted – parents like this can’t pick up teacher’s body language 🙂 Teachers don’t give a monkey – just want lunch 🙂
  • Children used to be seen and not heard, these days we are told we must include them all the time feel guilty if we don’t find them fascinating all the time
  • Anyone who says they do are lying – cos sometimes it’s really, really boring.
  • Always in a high pitched voice, interrupting important parent thinking
  • They ask a lot of questions – they don’t come fully assembled
  • A lot of work needs done after birth – something like a thousand trillion connections to be made in brain
  • need to reinforce some disconnect others
  • He gets sick of questions and tells kids
  • Porsche R8 and 2m cash could be yours… wait that’s the Big Wednesday draw.


  • Parents are now scared that with all these connections to be made, if kids aren’t developed properly, bad things will happen – i.e. normalness
  • Discusses parents who give kids idiotic names (like Storm) – his name is dumb: Nigel.
  • Can’t say Nigel and have it say cool in front of crims (who he also  works with)
  • Things parents do to try and get a few more points of IQ out of their kids
  • It’s marketing nonsense – but baby Mozart is funny cos of the expression on the baby’s face when they watch it
  • Homework – makes kids hate reading
  • Most arguments start with “come and do your homework”
  • Mimes a parent trying to convince child homework is interesting: “Apparently the weta made it to the top of the leaf”
  • Primary school homework doesn’t make much difference in long term, parents are driving it
  • Worried about all those brain cells not developing, if we get something slightly wrong
  • But when coro st’s on book reading might get shorter…
  • It’s actually not that easy to mess them up, don’t worry about missing a couple of bedtime stories or questions
  • Client kid had lots of questions, parent spent all time answering questions and was completely exhausted
  • Told her not to worry about it, wont’ grow up stupid
  • 3 options: Give dose of own medicine, distract or go outside and play – if doesn’t work tell her to ask dad
  • common sense, sense of humor, and patience

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